Remember how much fun you had when you were a kid? Inventing cool stuff. Creating your own games. Being a rock star in front of the mirror. Making up stupid songs with your stupid friends. Killing bad guys (maybe that was just me). Singing, dancing, drawing, painting, writing fantastical stories. Telling awesome lies to get out of stuff (me again). Generally being creative. You didn't need to worry about what your singing voice sounded like, whether or not your dancing looked silly or whether your stories made much sense at all. It didn't matter one bit because it was all about freedom of expression, developing your creative self, hanging out with your friends and of course, having fun. It was mostly about fun. And you had plenty. Because you were creating.
You only learned to worry and be self-conscious about your creative self as you got older. And what a sad day it was when you learned that lesson. As you became more and more self-conscious, you became less and less creative and adventurous. You sang less, danced less, created less and took less chances. Had less fun too. Scared of public places and attention. Creative You went into semi-retirement. Looking out the window every day but rarely coming out to play.
You do remember Creative You don't you? And you do remember when you didn't care what people thought about your ability or talent? It was much easier then wasn't it?
I believe that most of our educational systems actually beat the creative desire out of our kids. By the time they reach their teenage years they have learned that singing, dancing, inventing, painting, drawing and expressing their creativity is less than desirable out in the real world and should take a back seat to all things academic. Not that we all need to be performers or artists (as such), but we do all need to express our creativity because on some level, that's who we are. Without creativity and original thought we simply become boring, unfulfilled clones of each other.
"I'm not sure what I think, what do you think I should think?"
We're so worried about fitting in and not looking foolish that we get scared to let our creative self have a voice. If I didn't let my creative self have a voice this blog wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be reading this article.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I don't like you !
I don't like you.
Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like to be liked. No revelation there. It's how we're wired. We hate it when people don't like us - even people we don't really know. Some of us will do almost anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards. We compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion should matter the most; us.
Newsflash 1: Some people aren't gonna like you.
Newsflash 2: That's okay.
That's right - life ain't fair and even though you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do or how fabulous you are. Chances are it's more about their issues than anything you have or haven't done. There are people who don't like me who have never actually met me or had a conversation with me. That's fine with me. I won't invest emotional energy into things I can't change. I will endeavour to be the best human I can be.
While it's normal and very human to have the desire to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it's also crucial for our development to get clear about who we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent with those values - to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply become frustrated People Pleasers.
If you really want to be liked, then stop trying to be liked and start being you.
Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like to be liked. No revelation there. It's how we're wired. We hate it when people don't like us - even people we don't really know. Some of us will do almost anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards. We compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion should matter the most; us.
Newsflash 1: Some people aren't gonna like you.
Newsflash 2: That's okay.
That's right - life ain't fair and even though you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do or how fabulous you are. Chances are it's more about their issues than anything you have or haven't done. There are people who don't like me who have never actually met me or had a conversation with me. That's fine with me. I won't invest emotional energy into things I can't change. I will endeavour to be the best human I can be.
While it's normal and very human to have the desire to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it's also crucial for our development to get clear about who we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent with those values - to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply become frustrated People Pleasers.
If you really want to be liked, then stop trying to be liked and start being you.
Monday, February 9, 2009
This is all I care about....
If there's ever a time when it's easy to differentiate between what we humans want and what we actually need, just watch people in the middle of a natural disaster; humanity at it's rawest and perhaps most authentic. All the superficial bullshit disappears. If you want to know what really matters, listen to what comes out of the mouth of a person facing tragedy, devastation and the possibility of imminent death - either their own or someone they love. I'll tell you what they're not worried about; their shoe collection, their laptop, their hair, their make-up, their wallet, their car, how fat their legs are, or what other people might be saying or thinking about them. In an instant they have a completely different mindset and perspective and all of a sudden what is important - truly important - becomes glaringly obvious. Being confronted with one's mortality will do that to you.
People are never more honest, aware, conscious or in the moment than when they are faced with the distinct possibility of dying in the very near future. It's amazing how much clarity, certainty, purpose, ability, strength and even intelligence people can find when they need to. And it's also a great pity that so many of us spend a lifetime not using what we have. What we've always had. I personally believe that on some level, we all know what really matters but we let our greed, selfishness, laziness and our addiction to instant gratification get in the way of what we could and should do.
Let's hope that you and I can always have that same insight, awareness and gratitude without having to go through a devastating experience.
People are never more honest, aware, conscious or in the moment than when they are faced with the distinct possibility of dying in the very near future. It's amazing how much clarity, certainty, purpose, ability, strength and even intelligence people can find when they need to. And it's also a great pity that so many of us spend a lifetime not using what we have. What we've always had. I personally believe that on some level, we all know what really matters but we let our greed, selfishness, laziness and our addiction to instant gratification get in the way of what we could and should do.
Let's hope that you and I can always have that same insight, awareness and gratitude without having to go through a devastating experience.
Friday, February 6, 2009
More , more and more!
Greed (n.) An excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs, especially with respect to material wealth, possessions and money.
People love collecting stuff and the more stuff we have, the better. Owning lots of stuff - good. Even more stuff - very good. The most stuff - winner!! Of course we would never say this out loud because that would make us seem somewhat shallow, but our actions give us away.
Some of us have hundreds of pairs of shoes for a body that can only accommodate one pair at a time. And of course we tell ourselves we need them, but we don't need them at all; we want them. We confuse 'want' with 'need' regularly and somewhere along the way, we seem to have made the terms 'success' and 'excess' interchangeable. And if anyone should be brave enough to point our penchant for accumulating stuff that we don't actually need we become defensive and reactive, and then we criticise the observer of our behaviours. Of course we do. Clearly they are jealous of our success.
Have you ever met a truly greedy person who also happens to be happy, balanced and content? I'll take an educated guess that your answer is probably, no. Me either. The truth is that greedy people can't be genuinely happy because greed is synonymous with selfishness, ego, anxiety, fear and insecurity. Their life will always be missing one crucial 'happiness' ingredient; contentment - being happy where you are with what you have. Their greedy reality is a slippery slope because they can never have enough stuff. Sure they can find momentary enjoyment and pleasure from their prized possessions, but that feeling always fades and sooner or later (usually sooner) they will need to move on to the next (bigger, better, more desirable, more prestigious) acquisition in order to keep their 'happiness' alive.
Of course this game is ultimately an unwinnable one. Despite it's obvious popularity and endorsement of the masses, the 'Happiness Through Accumulation' model for life, is not a particularly effective one. At all. Just take a look at our emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially bankrupt society and that should give you an insight into how we're travelling as a group. The notion of achieving some level of inner peace, fulfilment and long-term happiness via the ownership of 'stuff we don't need' is a sad reflection of popular thinking and an indicator of how disconnected we have become from what really matters.
One of the many ironies of our culture is that while we're all seeking the same things - happiness, meaning, love, fulfilment and peace - we also seem to inhabit a group mindset of greed and superficiality. In may ways, it seems that we are 'taught' greed from an early age.
People love collecting stuff and the more stuff we have, the better. Owning lots of stuff - good. Even more stuff - very good. The most stuff - winner!! Of course we would never say this out loud because that would make us seem somewhat shallow, but our actions give us away.
Some of us have hundreds of pairs of shoes for a body that can only accommodate one pair at a time. And of course we tell ourselves we need them, but we don't need them at all; we want them. We confuse 'want' with 'need' regularly and somewhere along the way, we seem to have made the terms 'success' and 'excess' interchangeable. And if anyone should be brave enough to point our penchant for accumulating stuff that we don't actually need we become defensive and reactive, and then we criticise the observer of our behaviours. Of course we do. Clearly they are jealous of our success.
Have you ever met a truly greedy person who also happens to be happy, balanced and content? I'll take an educated guess that your answer is probably, no. Me either. The truth is that greedy people can't be genuinely happy because greed is synonymous with selfishness, ego, anxiety, fear and insecurity. Their life will always be missing one crucial 'happiness' ingredient; contentment - being happy where you are with what you have. Their greedy reality is a slippery slope because they can never have enough stuff. Sure they can find momentary enjoyment and pleasure from their prized possessions, but that feeling always fades and sooner or later (usually sooner) they will need to move on to the next (bigger, better, more desirable, more prestigious) acquisition in order to keep their 'happiness' alive.
Of course this game is ultimately an unwinnable one. Despite it's obvious popularity and endorsement of the masses, the 'Happiness Through Accumulation' model for life, is not a particularly effective one. At all. Just take a look at our emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially bankrupt society and that should give you an insight into how we're travelling as a group. The notion of achieving some level of inner peace, fulfilment and long-term happiness via the ownership of 'stuff we don't need' is a sad reflection of popular thinking and an indicator of how disconnected we have become from what really matters.
One of the many ironies of our culture is that while we're all seeking the same things - happiness, meaning, love, fulfilment and peace - we also seem to inhabit a group mindset of greed and superficiality. In may ways, it seems that we are 'taught' greed from an early age.
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